Break: Boredom then Insanity

I don't even remember what I said in my last entry, it seems like I wrote it ages ago even though that was less than a week ago. Well, I'm currently back in MA for the holidays, I got here Tuesday. Since then I've done absolutely nothing. After Christmas I'm basically booked until I leave for NOLA again, but this whole week before Christmas is a complete time sink. I've practiced some cymbals, made some Arabic flash cards, gone sledding (more on that later), gone to two musicals, and had some much-needed girl talk, but I do not consider any of these things productive enough to justify the 5 days of my life I'm missing. I'm so much more productive at school, so I don't really know why I came home so early. Coming home today would've made more sense. Tomorrow is my mother's birthday, so I do have to be here for that, but if it weren't for that I would say I don't need to be here until the 23rd.
So back to the sledding. It snowed about 16-18 inches here since Friday. It's a little crazy. I love snow and even I think it's a bit much. It snowed about 10 inches Friday, 1 or 2 Saturday, and another 6 today. It's also been about 19 degrees out the whole time and winds are sposed to be about 25mph tomorrow, gusting to 50. Yeah, you heard right, FIFTY MPH. I know I wanted winter, but I am not used to this, this is not the winter I was expecting.
I'm spending Christmas with my dad (who I have yet to see this break), standard family stuff. Should be fun tho, I've already seen my mom's family this break so I thought I'd see my dad's for Christmas. Plus, I was with my mom's family for Thanksgiving. And I think my uncle Donny is gonna be here for Christmas from Indiana, and I haven't seen him in awhile.
After Christmas is when my break should get interesting. Nationals for APO is in Boston this year, and I will be representing Tulane's petitioning group, along with 2 other girls. I'm excited because I'll get to see some brothers from CCC, who I haven't seen since April. That's the 27th thru the 30th of December. On the 31st, my friend Jay from Tulane gets here. He's staying with me for a week, until the 6th or 7th, and then basically once he leaves I'm leaving to drive back to NOLA.
It's gonna be a crazy couple of weeks. I'll post updates when I get the chance.

Learning is my Thing

Ok, so apparently I'm on a blogging binge (aka a procrastination binge). I only have one final left, it's in 2.5 hours, and I have had enough Arabic in the last couple days to last a lifetime. And now I'm taking it next semester. It just makes me wonder.
if i hate studying so much, then why do I constantly overload myself so that I have to study nonstop all the time. if I were to be a normal person and take 18ish credit hours next semester i could probably have a lot more time to hang out and have fun. But no, I insist on taking 22 hours and ensuring myself a slow and painful death. Don't get me wrong I love the learning part, it's just the paper-writing, test-taking part I don't like. I wish schooling wasn't so institutionalized and focused on grades, because grades aren't my thing. Learning is my thing.

Thought organization (or at least to me it's organized)

While I'm here there are a few other things I want to post about. This is completely unrelated to the last post so I figured it'd be better to just start a new post.

(BTW this is a really ADD list)

1.I love Christmas music
2. I'm currently in the process of learning 2 different instruments and I'm uber excited about this. But a little scared I'm getting in over my head. Yay music.
3. I should be studying for my final right now, but it's not till tomorrow afternoon. *hurrah procrastination*
4. As stated in my last post I'm rather confused about my life right now.
5. I really don't want to go home for the holidays, can't I just stay here?
6. I think I might be getting in a little over my head for next semester, but I'm not sure if I should lighten my load (not just class-wise, in other ways as well) or tough it out and put myself to the test.

I'm actually going to stop for now because I really should sleep, but this list will be continued.

So, uh, you know those things called life plans?

I haven't updated and I figured that while not studying for my final at 1am I could at least be semi-productive and do this.
I've recently become very confused about my life- more precisely what I want to do with it. I've basically been pre-med since i was four years old, and it's always seemed nice, fun, and i still think it would be. It also seems tailored to my strengths-science, math, compassion. But is there something else I would enjoy more? Is there some other way that I could help even more people? The problem is that I don't know. So what do I do with that little tidbit of information? I don't know that either.
I recently decided to switch about half my schedule. I'm currently thinking I want to study Political Science. I don't really know why but all of the courses seem so interesting that I decided I'd take a few. Hopefully I enjoy them. Polisci also goes really well with international development, which I am still planning on studying, so at the very least the courses I take next semester will count toward that, though I will still need a primary major.
I have a music minor, too, but I don't think I'd want to major in music, mostly because, as much as I love it, I want to spend my life improving life in impoverished countries and I know that being a music major will not help me with that.
I don't really know what else to say on that topic, I just felt like actually writing out how I felt, in hopes it would make me feel better; it did. I'll keep y'all posted.

O, the Holidays

So I'm home for Thanksgiving right now, and while I enjoy being with my friends and loved spending yesterday in Boston, but I hated the actual holidays. My family always fights about everything and I just can't stand them anymore. I really wish there was some other acceptable thing to do for the holidays that wasn't spending time with one's family. I think next year I'll stay at school. Not because I won't want to see my family, but because I don't want to see them when they're all drunk and I'm sober. Its not fun at all. I'll see them some other time.

I was a big fan of Obama's acceptance speech, so I wanted to post it here. Thanks to the LA Times.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he’s fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke....

...for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation’s next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the White House. And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics – you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington – it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn’t do this just to win an election and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor’s bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America – I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you – we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face.

I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek – it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity.

Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down – we will defeat you.

To those who seek peace and security – we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright – tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing – Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

I can't decide if I like it here at Tulane or not. Every once and awhile I think "wow, this is great!" but just as often I wonder what I'm doing here. This school can't possibly be for me, and I'm not myself here. Anne came to visit this weekend, and how happy she is at W+M just makes me wonder if maybe I fucked up again. Don't get me wrong I do have some great friends here who listen to what I say and don't pressure me to drink or do anything else I don't want to, but I haven't been acting like myself lately and it's starting to freak me out.
In the last 6 days I've managed to do several things I told myself I wouldn't, but I don't actually regret most of them now. The problem is that I should regret some of the things I've done (not the ones people think I should, but the other ones), because I don't want my future to be the one lain before me on the path I'm currently on, I want it to be the future that's on the path I didn't choose at that fork in the road last week. What I'm currently trying to decide is whether to backtrack or to forge my own path that eventually leads tot he same future i used to be headed for.
I realize that if you don't know which paths I'm talking about you're probably kinda confused right now. Ask me sometime and I'll explain, it's just not something I share publicly.
Back to the point of this blog, which is that I can;t really make up my mind about Tulane. Knowing how happy Anne is at William and Mary honestly makes me rage with jealousy, because i just can't seem to find that kind of happiness. If this was my freshman year and I was this confused it wouldn't bother me, the problem is that this is my second time around and I still can't seem to figure it out.
I feel like what I really need to do is just tell someone everything that's going on. I need someone I know won't tell everyone else what's going on, and i need someone who wouldn't mind a large listening commitment, because I think I really need a pair of ears right now.

When I started writing this I had no plan for how this was gonna go. I Definitely would not have predicted that it would end up like this. I'm pretty sure I mean it all though.

I bought a futon yesterday. Not that I can put it together because (after having to go back to the store to get the baggie of hardware because they fucked up and didn't give it to me) the bag doesn't even have all the hardware I need. So at some point this week I need to get a ride the the hardware store so I can put the futon frame together. Currently I'm just sitting on the mattress leaned up against my wall. Also, it would be great if the Red Sox game would end, preferably in a win, because I'm having trouble focusing on my homework (see exhibit A, this blog) with it on, but I can't turn it off.
I'm currently in the middle of midterms, so everything has been really busy lately, especially since this weekend was also homecoming/ parents' weekend, so my dad visited so I got absolutely nothing done this weekend.
I'm actually gonna try to get back into blogging soon, but for now this is all i have time to write. Back to homework.

I hope to soon start blogging about my adventures as an EMT, but for now all the news I have is about the fact that I will be arriving in NOLA in under 18 hours and I have nowhere to live. I'm also not quite done packing yet, and I need to leave my house by 4:45AM tomorrow.

Hold on... raise your hand if you care.

I get a little more frustrated each time I log onto AIM, because the news headlines on AIM Dashboard seem to be less and less important each day. Today: "True Meaning Behind 8/8/08," "Clay Aiken is a Daddy," and other pointless tidbits.
What about some actual news? Something about Caylee? Maybe some politics? Even the Olympics? I realize that AIM's demo is high-and middle schoolers, but having some intelligent headlines on their front page might actually inform a few 13-year-olds what's going on in the real world, not just in Hollywood, and I think most would agree that that would be a good thing.
Too many teenagers idolize Hollywood superstars, and I think if some websites aimed at teens occasionally raised their news up a notch, some teens might actually read it and become more interested in the world around them.