I can't decide if I like it here at Tulane or not. Every once and awhile I think "wow, this is great!" but just as often I wonder what I'm doing here. This school can't possibly be for me, and I'm not myself here. Anne came to visit this weekend, and how happy she is at W+M just makes me wonder if maybe I fucked up again. Don't get me wrong I do have some great friends here who listen to what I say and don't pressure me to drink or do anything else I don't want to, but I haven't been acting like myself lately and it's starting to freak me out.
In the last 6 days I've managed to do several things I told myself I wouldn't, but I don't actually regret most of them now. The problem is that I should regret some of the things I've done (not the ones people think I should, but the other ones), because I don't want my future to be the one lain before me on the path I'm currently on, I want it to be the future that's on the path I didn't choose at that fork in the road last week. What I'm currently trying to decide is whether to backtrack or to forge my own path that eventually leads tot he same future i used to be headed for.
I realize that if you don't know which paths I'm talking about you're probably kinda confused right now. Ask me sometime and I'll explain, it's just not something I share publicly.
Back to the point of this blog, which is that I can;t really make up my mind about Tulane. Knowing how happy Anne is at William and Mary honestly makes me rage with jealousy, because i just can't seem to find that kind of happiness. If this was my freshman year and I was this confused it wouldn't bother me, the problem is that this is my second time around and I still can't seem to figure it out.
I feel like what I really need to do is just tell someone everything that's going on. I need someone I know won't tell everyone else what's going on, and i need someone who wouldn't mind a large listening commitment, because I think I really need a pair of ears right now.

When I started writing this I had no plan for how this was gonna go. I Definitely would not have predicted that it would end up like this. I'm pretty sure I mean it all though.

I bought a futon yesterday. Not that I can put it together because (after having to go back to the store to get the baggie of hardware because they fucked up and didn't give it to me) the bag doesn't even have all the hardware I need. So at some point this week I need to get a ride the the hardware store so I can put the futon frame together. Currently I'm just sitting on the mattress leaned up against my wall. Also, it would be great if the Red Sox game would end, preferably in a win, because I'm having trouble focusing on my homework (see exhibit A, this blog) with it on, but I can't turn it off.
I'm currently in the middle of midterms, so everything has been really busy lately, especially since this weekend was also homecoming/ parents' weekend, so my dad visited so I got absolutely nothing done this weekend.
I'm actually gonna try to get back into blogging soon, but for now this is all i have time to write. Back to homework.